[Scene: Rift's Restaurant, as seen in Mad About You, Joey and Chandler are there.] scene Chandler: This is unbelievable. It's been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, you'd be looking like a ham right about now. dialogue (Ursula Buffay, Phoebe's identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.) action Joey: There's the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss? dialogue (Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.) action Chandler: It's Phoebe! Hi! dialogue (Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.) action Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all? dialogue Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here? dialogue "Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, ""Excuse me, hello Miss,"" so now I'm here." dialogue Joey: No, no... how come you are working here? dialogue Ursula: Right, yeah, 'cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute. dialogue Chandler: Can we start over? dialogue Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. I'm gonna be over here. (She wanders away.) dialogue Chandler and Joey: No, no, no! dialogue Opening Credits information [Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.] scene "Ross: I don't know whether he's testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, ""supposedly"" by accident." dialogue Rachel: No, yeah, I've done that. dialogue Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword. dialogue Rachel: I've never done that. dialogue (Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shop's sign—a large steaming cup of coffee.) action Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesn't look exactly like her sister. dialogue Joey: I'm sayin' I see a difference. dialogue Chandler: They're twins! dialogue Joey: I don't care. Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's... hot! dialogue (Joey and Chandler come indoors.) action Chandler: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things? dialogue Joey: Yeah. dialogue Chandler: Let's not do that any more. dialogue (They hang up their coats and scarves, then approach their friends on the main sofa.) action All: Hey guys! Hey! dialogue Joey: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today. dialogue Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson. dialogue Joey: Nope. dialogue Phoebe: Morly Safer. dialogue Joey: Nope. dialogue Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair! dialogue Monica: Okay, look, this could be a really long game. dialogue Chandler: Your sister Ursula. dialogue Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really. dialogue Chandler: Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh... dialogue Phoebe: Rift's. Yeah, I know. dialogue Chandler: Oh, you do? Because she said you guys haven't talked in like years. dialogue Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat? dialogue Joey: Not from where I was standin'. dialogue Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing? dialogue Rachel: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just don't get along? dialogue "Phoebe: It's mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like ""yeah, right, well what else is new?""" dialogue Ross: Oh, Pheebs, I'm sorry, I've got to go. I've got Lamaze class. dialogue Chandler: Oh, and I've got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym. dialogue Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol? dialogue Ross: No, Susan's gonna be there too. We've got dads, we've got lesbians, the whole parenting team. dialogue Rachel: Well, isn't, isn't that gonna be weird? dialogue Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think I'm pretty comfortable with the whole situation. dialogue Monica: Ross, that's my jacket. dialogue Ross: I know. dialogue (Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.) action [Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, who's got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.] scene Woman: Hi, we're the Rostins. Err, I'm J.C., and he's Michael, and we're having a boy, and a girl. dialogue Teacher: Good for you. Alrighty, next? dialogue Ross: Hi, um, I'm err, (has to clear his throat) I'm Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carol's bulge) ..that's, that's my boy in there, and uh, dialogue (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carol's, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..who's next? action Teacher: I'm sorry, I didn't get... Susan is? dialogue Ross: Susan is Carol's, Carol's, Carol's, friend... dialogue Carol: Life partner. dialogue Ross: Like buddies. dialogue Susan: Like lovers. dialogue Ross: You know how close women can get. dialogue (The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.) action Carol: Susan and I live together. dialogue Ross: Although I was married to her. dialogue Susan: Carol, not me. dialogue Ross: Err, right. dialogue Carol: It's a little complicated. dialogue Ross: A little. dialogue Susan: But we're fine. dialogue Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! That's like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch. dialogue [Scene : Chandler's Office, Chandler is working.] scene (Helen's buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.) action Chandler: And (he imitates the buzzer) to you too, Helen. dialogue Helen: (Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see you. dialogue Chandler: Oh, okay. Send her in. dialogue (He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen, before taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place ostentatiously on his desk. An attractive young woman opens the door.) action Nina: Hi. dialogue Chandler: Hi, Nina. Come on in. dialogue Nina: You wanted to see me? dialogue Chandler: Uh, Yes. Yes. I've just been going over your data here, and little thing, you've been post-dating your Friday numbers. dialogue Nina: Which is bad, because? dialogue Chandler: Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack. dialogue Nina: Your... excuse me? dialogue Chandler: WENUS. (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net... dialogue "Nina: Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. Won't happen again. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt your... ""wenus.""" dialogue (Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once he's lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that he's thinking correctly...) action [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.] scene Chandler: It's not just that she's cute, okay. It's just that... she's really really cute. dialogue Ross: It doesn't matter. You don't dip your pen in the company ink. dialogue (Marcel scampers about, interfering with the neatness.) action Monica: Ross, your little creature's got the remote again. dialogue Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote... dialogue (Marcel points the remote at Monica's television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.) action Monica: Great. dialogue Ross: Relax, I'll fix it. dialogue "Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... ""Urkel"" in Spanish is ""Urkel.""" dialogue Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this? dialogue Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long? dialogue (Rachel slowly spins around, finally noticing that the lights have outstayed their welcome.) action Monica: Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down around New Year's... but obviously someone forgot. dialogue "Rachel: Well, someone was supposed to write ""Rach, take down the lights"" and put it on the re... frigerate... (finally noticing Monica's note stuck to the refrigerator) How long has that been there?" dialogue (Joey enters, looking extremely pleased with himself.) action Chandler: Hey, where you been? dialogue Joey: I went back to Riff's. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries. dialogue Chandler: Score. dialogue Joey: She is so hot! dialogue Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.) dialogue Joey: Pheebs? dialogue Phoebe: (Jumping up) Yeah? dialogue Joey: You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister? dialogue Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna... do that?  Why? dialogue Joey: So that if we went out on a date, she'd be there. dialogue Phoebe: Well, I mean, I'm not my sister's, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, it's true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, we've grown apart, so, um... I don't know, why not? Okay. dialogue Joey: Cool, thanks. dialogue (He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.) action Ross: You okay? dialogue Phoebe: Yeah I'm fine. dialogue Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley? dialogue (The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.) action [Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins' pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.] scene Ross: Sorry. dialogue Ross: Hi. Sorry I'm late. Where's, where's Carol? dialogue Susan: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. I'll get the information. dialogue Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know what's going on. dialogue Susan: Oh, good. This'll be fun. dialogue Teacher: Alrighty. We're gonna start with some basic third stage breathing exercises, so Mummies, why don't you get on your back? And... coaches, you should be supporting Mummy's head. dialogue (Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.) action Ross and Susan: What? What? What? dialogue Susan: I am supposed to be the mommy? dialogue Ross: Okay, I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time. dialogue Susan: Look, I don't see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because I'm a woman. dialogue Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do? dialogue Susan: I will flip you for it. dialogue Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads! dialogue Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom. dialogue (Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susan's lap like all the other fathers.) action Teacher: Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep cleansing breath. dialogue "(Forgetting herself, Susan does the ""Mommy"" action with Ross.)" action Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower. dialogue (Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.) action [Scene: Chandler's Office. Chandler is playing with a toy as his boss Mr. Douglas knocks and opens the door.] scene Chandler: Mr. D, how's it going, sir? dialogue Mr. Douglas: Ohh, it's been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in. dialogue Chandler: And? dialogue Mr. Douglas: It's pretty ugly. We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the seventies. dialogue Chandler: So what does this mean? dialogue Mr. Douglas: Well, we're gonna be layin' off people in every department. dialogue Chandler: Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week, but I slept funny, and my hair was very very – dialogue Mr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone? dialogue [Scene: Chandler's Office, later that day, Nina is in his office.] scene Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina. dialogue (She sympathetically reaches out to fondle the inner thigh of his left leg.) action Nina: Are you okay? dialogue Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please don't hate me. dialogue Nina: (Taking her hand away) What? dialogue Chandler: (Suddenly bright) Would you like to have dinner sometime? dialogue (Nina gasps in surprise and relief.) action [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.] scene Rachel: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday? dialogue Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me. dialogue Rachel: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn? dialogue Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice. dialogue Rachel: Ooh, okay... good. dialogue (Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.) action Jamie: What is this place? dialogue Fran: Look, you're cold, I have to pee, and... (indicating the sign) ..there's a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be? dialogue (Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.) action Jamie: I think we have an answer. dialogue Fran: What's she doing here? dialogue Jamie: This could be God's way of telling us to eat at home. dialogue Fran: Think she got fired at Riff's? dialogue Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... (shuddering at the memory) ..bringing swordfish. (Indicating the ladies' bathroom) are you gonna go to the, um? dialogue Fran: I'm gonna wait till after we order. It's her, right. dialogue Jamie: It looks like her. dialogue (Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.) action Jamie: Um, excuse me. dialogue Phoebe: Yeah? dialogue Jamie: Hi, it's us. dialogue Phoebe: (Smiling blankly) Right, and it's me. dialogue Jamie: So, so you're here too? dialogue Phoebe: Much as you are. dialogue Jamie: (Without moving her lips) Your turn. dialogue Fran: Err... we know what we want. dialogue Phoebe: (Philosophically) Oh, that's good. dialogue Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes. dialogue Fran: And some biscottie cookies. dialogue Phoebe: Good choice. dialogue (Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women won't see the face she pulls, and sits down.) action Jamie: Definitely her. dialogue Fran: Yeah. Commercial break dialogue [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.] scene (Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the television.) action Monica: I can't believe you. You still haven't told that girl she doesn't have a job yet? dialogue Chandler: Well, you still haven't taken down the Christmas lights. dialogue Monica: Congratulations, I think you've found the world's thinnest argument. dialogue Chandler: I'm just trying to find the right moment, you know? dialogue Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldn't be so hard, now that you're dating. dialogue "(Imitating men at their worst) ""Sweetheart, you're fired, but how 'bout a quickie before I go to work?""" action (Joey lets himself in, carrying a large paper shopping bag.) action Joey: Hey. dialogue Rachel and Chandler: Hey. dialogue (There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.) action Chandler: You know, once you're inside, you don't have to knock any more. dialogue Monica: I'll get it. dialogue (She rises, dragging Chandler along by the wool. Rachel has to leap over a chair to follow them. Monica opens the door to find Mr. Heckles standing there.) action Monica: Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles. dialogue Mr.Heckles: You're doing it again. dialogue Monica: We're not doing anything. We're just sitting around talking, quietly. dialogue Mr.Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats can't sleep. dialogue Rachel: You don't even have cats. dialogue Mr.Heckles: I could have cats. dialogue Monica: (Closing the door) Goodbye Mr.Heckles. dialogue Rachel: We'll try to keep it down. dialogue (The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.) action Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits. dialogue Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really... dialogue Joey: Oh, no no no. It's for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise. dialogue Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it fits. dialogue (The others have been taking all this in.) action Rachel: Are you seein' her again tonight? dialogue Joey: Yep. Ice Capades. dialogue Chandler: Wow, this is serious. I've never known you to pay money for any kind of capade. dialogue Joey: I don't know. I like her, you know. She's different. There's uh, somethin' about her. dialogue Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great! dialogue (The circle freezes in apprehension.) action Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay. dialogue Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now it's not okay. dialogue Joey: Okay... Well maybe now I'm not okay with it not being okay. dialogue Phoebe: Okay. dialogue (An embarrassed silence... finally broken by) action Chandler: Knit, good woman, knit, knit! dialogue (Monica frantically bursts into action as Rachel resumes winding, tangling Chandler's wool.) action [Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler & Nina are locked in a passionate embrace. Someone knocks, so they hurriedly separate to stare out of the window. Chandler's boss opens the door.] scene Chandler: And that's the Chrysler Building right there. dialogue Mr. Douglas: Nina. dialogue Nina: Mr.Douglas... (flirting defensively) ..cool tie. dialogue (She escapes, fortunately so distracting Mr. Douglas, that he misses Chandler's expression of alarm & guilt.) action Mr. Douglas: (Shutting the door, then pointing vaguely at Nina's shapely departure) She's still here. dialogue Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didn't I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan. dialogue (Thinking quickly, Chandler desperately tries to remember anything to do with schizophrenia....) action Chandler: And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly, in fact, he uh, mentioned the word frenzy. dialogue Mr. Douglas: You're kidding? She seems so... dialogue Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all. dialogue Mr. Douglas: That's unbelievable. dialogue Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others. dialogue Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know what's goin' on inside a person's head. dialogue Chandler: Well, I guess that's why they call it psychology, sir. dialogue (Mr. Douglas screws up his eyes, trying to credit what Bing has just said, but turning to follow Nina down the corridor, he realises Bing must be telling the truth, since he would not have any personal interest in the girl, would he?) action [Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susan's lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.] scene Soothing male voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth. dialogue Teacher: Lights please? And that's having a baby. Next week is our final class. dialogue (People start getting up. Ross grabs Carol's doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.) action Ross: Susan, go deep. dialogue (Susan just glares back, as Ross's inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...) action Carol: This is impossible. It's just impossible. dialogue Susan: What is, honey? dialogue Carol: What that woman... did. I am not doin' that. It's just gonna have to stay in, that's all, everything will be the same, it'll just stay in. dialogue Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everything's gonna be alright. dialogue "Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know?  No one's going up to you and saying, ""Hi, is that your nostril?  Mind if we push this pot roast through it?""" dialogue Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath. dialogue "(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his ""football,"" then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)" action Susan: I know it's frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when it's over, we're all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives. dialogue (Ross is staring blankly into space.) action Susan: I mean, that's what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross? dialogue [Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.] scene Ross: I'm gonna be a father. dialogue Rachel: This is just occurring to you? dialogue Ross: I always knew I was havin' a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me. dialogue Rachel: (She comforts him too) Oh, you're gonna be great! dialogue Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I can't even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid? dialogue Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different. dialogue (Joey tires of this, so he gets up to leave.) action Phoebe: Where're you going? dialogue Joey: Out. dialogue Phoebe: With? dialogue Joey: (Spreading his arms wide) Yes. dialogue Phoebe: Alright, could I just ask you one question? dialogue (Joey nods his head.) action Phoebe: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet? dialogue Joey: Well, not that it's any of your business, but, no, we haven't, okay? dialogue (Joey walks toward the door, then hesitates and turns back.) action Joey: You meant sex, right? dialogue (Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend they're not there.) action [Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is working as Nina knocks, then opens the door.] scene Nina: Do you have a sec? dialogue Chandler: Ah, sure, Nina. What's up? dialogue Nina: I don't know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks. dialogue Chandler: Oh, well, ah... maybe that's because they're ah... jealous, of us. dialogue Nina: Maybe. But that doesn't explain why they keep taking my scissors. dialogue Chandler: Ah, well, maybe that's, ah, because you're getting a big raise. dialogue Nina: I am? dialogue Chandler: Sure, why not? dialogue Nina: Oh my god! (Rushing over to give him a big hug) You're amazing! dialogue Chandler: Oh, you don't know. (Presses a button.) Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinder's raise? dialogue Helen: (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel? dialogue Nina: What? dialogue Chandler: Helen drinks. (Insincerely) Will you marry me? dialogue (Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical look.) action [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.] scene Chandler: Well, I ended up telling her everything. dialogue Rachel: Oh, how'd she take it? dialogue Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) dialogue Little tip: if you're ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk. dialogue Monica: Okay, I think I get how to do this. dialogue (Monica points the remote at her TV, and punches out a key combination from the book, but the dreaded SAP logo remains and Spanish still comes forth.) action Phoebe: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I can't, I can't watch. dialogue Monica: (Remotely turning off the television) okay, Pheebs, they're gone. dialogue Phoebe: Okay. dialogue Monica: Are you alright? dialogue Phoebe: Yeah. It's just, you know, it's this whole stupid Ursula thing, it's... dialogue Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, he's going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible? dialogue Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, I'm not saying she's like evil or anything. She just, you know, she's always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldn't let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend? dialogue Monica and Rachel: (Wistfully, shaking their heads) No. dialogue Phoebe: Well, but that's what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldn't even talk to me any more. Because he said he didn't wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us. dialogue Rachel: Oh... Oh, Pheebs. dialogue Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but... dialogue Chandler: You're not gonna lose him. dialogue Monica: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey. dialogue Phoebe: Yeah. Okay. dialogue Ross: No, come on, he doesn't know this stuff. If he knew how you felt. dialogue Phoebe: But he's falling in love with her. dialogue Rachel: Oh please, they've been going out a week. They haven't even slept together yet, I mean, that's not serious. dialogue Phoebe: Okay... Okay. dialogue (Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.) action Phoebe: Oh, okay, oh. dialogue (Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joey's apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joey's shirts.) action Ursula: (Surprised) Oh. dialogue (Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.) action Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you? dialogue Closing Credits information [Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.] scene Monica: Rachel, what are you doing? It's freezing out here. Would you come back inside? dialogue Rachel: No no no no no. You wanted me to take them down, so... (she climbs onto the railing to reach the top of a pole) ..I'm takin' 'em down. Okay? Whoa! dialogue (Screams.) action (Rachel slips, loses her balance, and falls over the edge..) action Monica: Oh-my-god Rachel! (Rushing out to look over the edge) Rachel! dialogue (In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.) action Rachel: (To Monica) I'm okay! I'm okay! (She knocks on Mr. Heckles's window.) Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please? dialogue Mr.Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about. dialogue End information