[Scene: Central Perk, all six are there.] scene Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal. dialogue Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right? dialogue Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up. dialogue Chandler: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that. dialogue Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me. dialogue Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care. dialogue (Long pause.) action Ross: Multiple orgasms! dialogue Opening Credits information [Scene: Central Perk, all are there.] scene Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night! dialogue Joey: No plans, huh? dialogue Chandler: Not a one. dialogue Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice? dialogue Chandler: Oh, right, right, shut up. dialogue Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it. dialogue Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note. dialogue Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling. dialogue Phoebe: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you. dialogue Chandler: Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like we're gangin' up on her. dialogue Phoebe: No, I mean you break up with Janice and I'll break up with Tony. dialogue Ross: Tony? dialogue Monica: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony? dialogue Phoebe: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know. dialogue Rachel: (waitressing) Does anybody want anything else? dialogue Ross: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. (Rachel gives him a dirty look) Nothing, just, just, I'm fine. dialogue Phoebe: (to Rachel) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy? dialogue Rachel: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible. dialogue Ross: That guy, he burns me up. dialogue Rachel: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me young lady. dialogue Chandler: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that. dialogue "Monica: Did he give you that whole ""You're-not-up-to-this"" thing again?" dialogue "Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of ""You'll never make it on your own""." dialogue Phoebe: (rhythmically) Uh-huh, uh-huh. dialogue (Angela, a beautiful woman in a tight dress, enters.) action Angela: Hi, Joey. dialogue Joey: My god, Angela. dialogue (Angela takes a seat at the counter.) action Monica: Wow, being dumped by you obviously agrees with her. dialogue Phoebe: Are you gonna go over there? dialogue Joey: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. That seems pretty cool. (he walks over to her) Hey, Angela. dialogue Angela: (casually) Joey. dialogue Joey: You look good. dialogue Angela: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs. dialogue Joey: You don't say. dialogue (Cut to Ross and Rachel, talking next to one of the tables.) action Ross: So, uh, Rachel, what are you, uh, what're you doing tonight? dialogue Rachel: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Monica at Laundorama. dialogue Ross: Oh, you uh, you wanna hear a freaky coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too? dialogue Rachel: Who? dialogue Ross: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why don't I just join you both, here? dialogue Rachel: Don't you have a laundry room in your building? dialogue Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish? dialogue Rachel: Sure. dialogue (Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.) action Angela: Forget it Joey. I'm with Bob now. dialogue Joey: Bob? Who the hell's Bob? dialogue Angela: Bob is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor, but Bob... dialogue Joey: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too. dialogue Angela: Yeah, well, sorry, Joe. You said let's just be friends, so guess what? dialogue Joey: What? dialogue Angela: We're just friends. dialogue Joey: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends? dialogue Angela: What four of us? dialogue Joey: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Monica. dialogue [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, Joey is there, trying to convince Monica to pose as his girlfriend. His plan is to hook Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then take Angela back for himself.] scene Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you. dialogue Monica: Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet. dialogue Joey: Come on. This guy's great. His name's Bob. He's Angela's... brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. Me, I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actor, but Bob is... dialogue Monica: (looking out window) Oh, god help us. dialogue Joey: What? dialogue Monica: Ugly Naked Guy's laying kitchen tile. Eww! dialogue Joey: Eww! Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for her brother, maybe Angela will come back to me. dialogue Monica: What's going on here? You go out with tons of girls. dialogue Joey: (proud) I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never should have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please? dialogue [Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.] scene Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna be me and Rachel. dialogue Chandler: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing through? dialogue Ross: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal. dialogue Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date. dialogue Ross: Nuh-uh. dialogue Chandler: Yuh-huh. dialogue Ross: So what're you saying here? I should shave again, pick up some wine, what? dialogue Chandler: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwear—you want it to be dirty? dialogue Ross: (sheepish) No. dialogue Chandler: Oh, and uh, the fabric softener? dialogue Ross: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, it says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way. dialogue Chandler: There you go. dialogue [Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting Angela and Bob, who Monica thinks is Angela's brother.] scene Monica: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he tall? Short? dialogue Joey: Yep. dialogue Monica: Which? dialogue Joey: Which what? dialogue Monica: You've never met Bob, have you? dialogue Joey: No, but he's... dialogue Monica: Oh my god, Joey, for all we know this guy could be horribly... dialogue (Angela and Bob walk in. Bob is good-looking.) action Angela: Hey, Joey. dialogue Monica: ...horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now. dialogue [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Phoebe are there, both ready to break up with their significant others.] scene Chandler: Where are they? Where are they? dialogue Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us. dialogue Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies. dialogue Phoebe: Eww, I don't wanna do that. dialogue (Janice and Phoebe's boyfriend, Tony, walk in.) action Chandler: Here we go. dialogue Phoebe: Ok, have a good break-up. dialogue Chandler: Hey, Janice. dialogue Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day. dialogue Chandler: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please? dialogue Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you... dialogue (Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.) action Chandler: What? dialogue Janice: What? dialogue Chandler: (covering) What... did you get me there? dialogue Janice: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks) dialogue Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet. dialogue Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want. dialogue Chandler: That's great. dialogue (The drinks arrive, and Chandler downs his espresso in one gulp.) action Chandler: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can I get you another latte? dialogue Janice: (holding the full cup) No, no, I'm still working on mine. dialogue (Chandler walks over to the counter where Phoebe is, and is asking her about the break-up.) action Chandler: That's it? dialogue Phoebe: Yeah, it was really hard. dialogue Chandler: Oh, yeah, that hug looked pretty brutal. dialogue Phoebe: Ok, you weren't there. dialogue [Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things.] scene Woman: Comin' through. Move, move. dialogue Rachel: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that machine. dialogue Woman: Yeah, well, now you're kinda not. dialogue Rachel: But I saved it. I put my basket on top. dialogue Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket? It's really pretty. Unfortunately, I don't see suds. dialogue Rachel: What? dialogue Woman: No suds, no save. Ok? dialogue (Ross arrives.) action Ross: What's goin' on? dialogue Rachel: Hi, uh, nothing. That horrible woman just took my machine. dialogue Ross: Was your basket on top? dialogue Rachel: Yeah, but, there were no suds. dialogue Ross: So? dialogue Rachel: Well, you know, no suds, no save. dialogue Ross: No suds? Excuse me, hold on a second. (to woman) That's my friend's machine. dialogue Woman: Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it. dialogue Ross: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it. dialogue (The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.) action Ross: (to the crowd in the laundromat) All right, show's over. Nothing to see here. (to Rachel) Ok, let's do laundry. dialogue Rachel: That was amazing. I can't even send back soup. dialogue Ross: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle, uh...Do you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need detergent. dialogue (Ross pulls out a huge box of laundry detergent.) action Rachel: What's that? dialogue Ross: Uberveiss. It's new, it's German, it's extra-tough. dialogue (Rachel starts to load her clothes.) action Ross: Rach, do you uh, are you gonna separate those? dialogue Rachel: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for pants? dialogue Ross: Rach, have you never done this before? dialogue Rachel: Well, not myself, but I know other people that have. Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin. dialogue Ross: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle. Ok, um, basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites, a whole nother machine for colors, and a third for your uh, your uh, delicates, and that would be your bras and your under-panty things. dialogue Rachel: (holds a pair of panties in front of Ross) Ok, Well, what about these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or delicates? dialogue Ross: (visibly nervous) Uh, that, that, that would be a judgment call. dialogue [Scene: Fancy restaurant, Monica, Joey, Angela, and Bob are seated at the table.] scene Monica: (to Joey) He is so cute. (to Angela and Bob) So, where did you guys grow up? dialogue Angela: Brooklyn Heights. dialogue Bob: Cleveland. dialogue Monica: How, how did that happen? dialogue Joey: Oh my god. dialogue Monica: What? dialogue Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not. Commercial Break dialogue [Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.] scene Joey: So, you and Angela, huh? dialogue Bob: Yep. Pretty much. dialogue Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel. dialogue Bob: Huh, I never really noticed. dialogue Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it. dialogue Bob: Monica, Monica is great. dialogue Joey: Yeah, but it's not gonna last. She's too much for me in bed. Sexually. dialogue [Scene: The ladies' bathroom at the restaurant, Monica and Angela are talking.] scene Monica: I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific. dialogue Angela: Yeah, isn't he? dialogue Monica: It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny, and has an emotional age beyond, like eight. dialogue Angela: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed. dialogue Monica: Wow. My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity. dialogue Angela: Huh. That's nice. dialogue [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.] scene Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed. dialogue (Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.) action Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore. Janice. dialogue Janice: All right. Well, there you go. (she gets extremely wound up, and begins to try and calm herself down) Stop it, stop it, stop it. dialogue [Scene: The laundromat.] scene Rachel: Ok, I know this is gonna sound really stupid, but I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn't anything I can't do. dialogue Ross: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me? (the buzzer on the washer goes off) I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross...(opens up the washer) Uh-oh. dialogue Rachel: What uh-oh? dialogue Ross: (not wanting to tell her) Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. (singing) Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh. dialogue Rachel: Ross, what's the matter? dialogue Ross: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done. dialogue Rachel: Come on, show me. dialogue Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink. dialogue Rachel: Oh, everything's pink. dialogue Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone. dialogue Rachel: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh, god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep. What am I doing? What am I doing? My father's right. I can't live on my own! I can't even do laundry! dialogue (The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.) action [Scene: The fancy restaurant, Angela has her hand in Bob's shirt, and Monica is very uncomfortable.] scene Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please? dialogue (Her and Joey walk away from the table.) action Monica: Oh my god. dialogue Joey: What? dialogue Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia. dialogue Joey: Come on, they're close. dialogue Monica: Close? She's got her tongue in his ear. dialogue Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross. dialogue Monica: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it's—not really true, is it? dialogue Joey: Well, who's to say what's true? I mean... dialogue Monica: Oh my god, what were you thinking? dialogue Joey: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, maybe I am a little. dialogue Monica: (hits him lightly) Oh! dialogue Joey: Ow! dialogue Monica: (leaving) I'm outta here. dialogue Joey: Wait, wait, wait. You want him, I want her. He likes you. dialogue Monica: Really? dialogue Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up. dialogue [Time lapse, Monica accidentally spilled her drink on Bob's shirt and is wiping it off. Joey is making eyes at Angela.] scene Monica: I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this, but I couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story. dialogue (Angela is eating chicken wings and making the weasel-like noise Joey had told Bob about.) action Joey: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here. dialogue [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of him. He is extremely wired.] scene Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the boom, boom, (Chandler flails his hand out and hits Janice in the eye)... boom. dialogue Janice: Ow! dialogue Chandler: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok? dialogue Janice: Ow. Um, it's just my lens. It's just my lens. I'll be right back. dialogue (She leaves.) action Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world. dialogue Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) How many of those have you had? dialogue Chandler: Oh, I don't know, a million? dialogue Phoebe: Chandler, easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La la la la la la la. dialogue Chandler: I'm fine. dialogue Phoebe: All right. dialogue (Janice returns from the bathroom.) action Chandler: I'm not fine. Here she comes. dialogue Phoebe: Wait here. Breathe. dialogue (Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Chandler, and leaves.) action Chandler: How do you do that? dialogue Phoebe: It's like a gift. dialogue Chandler: We should always always break up together. dialogue Phoebe: Oh, I'd like that. dialogue [Scene: The Launderama. Rachel is sorting her now-pink clothes.] scene Ross: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part. dialogue Rachel: Oh, I guess. Except everything looks like jammies now. dialogue (The same woman walks over and takes Rachel's laundry cart.) action Rachel: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart. dialogue Woman: Yeah, well, I had a 24-inch waist. You lose things. Now come on, get outta my way. dialogue (Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.) action Rachel: I'm sorry, you know, maybe I wasn't being clear. Uh, this is our cart. dialogue Woman: Hey, hey, hey there aren't any clothes in it. dialogue Rachel: Hey, hey, hey, hey, quit making up rules! dialogue Woman: Let go! dialogue (They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of it.) action Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it! dialogue (She thinks it over, and then walks away.) action Rachel: (to Ross) Yes! Did you see that? dialogue Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen. dialogue Rachel: I could not have done this without you. dialogue (Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.) action Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine. dialogue Rachel: Are you sure? dialogue Ross: No. dialogue Closing Credits information [Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Ross has an icepack to his head.] scene Rachel: Oh, are you sure you're ok? dialogue Ross: Yeah. dialogue Rachel: Does it still hurt? dialogue Ross: Yeah. dialogue Phoebe: (seeing Rachel's clothes) What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this. dialogue (Monica and Joey enter.) action Monica: Hi. dialogue Phoebe: Hey, how'd it go? dialogue Joey: Excellent. dialogue Monica: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves. dialogue Ross: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way. dialogue Monica: (notices his head) Oh, I'm sorry. dialogue Rachel: Where's Chandler? dialogue Phoebe: Oh, he needed some time to grieve. dialogue (Chandler runs by the window outside, joyous.) action Chandler: I'm free! I'm free! dialogue Phoebe: That oughta do it. dialogue End information